Friday, December 16, 2011

aku rasa aku gila

can i just pretend as if the past never happen?
the present, what exactly am i doing right now? 
i see nothing but a blurry future

the same spot that not letting me go
the same path that force me to stay
u have no choice, but what exactly u want to do?
what's the point of the second line, if the first has been said?

didn't mean to neglect everything and everyone around me
sometimes you feel like no one cares
feels like you should not reaching out for help
it's best to be alone than to bother others
abandoning yourself in hoping that everything will be better, eventually..

how to be motivated, determined, driven by something
if all you've been feeling is nothing?

chup! but dont worry, i'm fine, i'm not going to do anything crazy, 

not to that extent.
ingat Tuhan, ujian dari-Nya, pasti ada hikmah dari Allah swt.

sendiri cuak baca coretan emo buat julung-julung kali ni,
maaflah kalau sesiapa terbaca pun cuak,
tapi kalau tak rasa apa-apa, maksudnya memang tak berbakat lah nak bersajak, hoho

but wouldn't it be unfair to just talk about happy good stuff, right?
'org gila tak ngaku gila' but if someone says 'aku rasa aku gila',
that would be even more worrying right?

exam is over, life is not..
sebenarnya biasa lah orang kalau nak final exam haritu kan..
dipendekkan cerita, entah mengapa, one second bersemangat gila, the next second terus hilang semangat, bukan macam lemah semangat nampak makhluk halus tu, but seriously, tak ada feeling langsung.
nothing, tiada, zero, jilo, yilek, nada! 

bila call mak, dengar suara bonda tercinta, terus air mata mengalir, suara tersekat-sekat, padahal tak plan pun nak nangis. maaf mak kalau buat mak risau.
lalu, emak menyuruh minum dan basuh muka dengan air zam zam, tenang lah sikit. hampir tak ke exam, tapi memang separa give up lah. bila habis exam mak call, "ha, cemana?" 
kita jawab, "ajah LLB(looks like busy) je tadi." 
to be honest, memang pun, sebab tengok soalan macam tak pernah belajar je, soalan yang dah pernah buat pun jadi blank, cannot think! memang welcome to blank & blur zone!
dah boleh predict, tapi aaaarghhh tak sukaaa, tak penat belajar, tapi penat nak exam!
kena tingkatkan berlipat ganda usaha dan doa!

chup, mungkin apa kita cerita ni akan dipandang negatif, tapi, 
if sometime in the future, doesn't matter in the near or not so near, after i finally passed ALL my ACCA papers, and then i look back, read this, i can say, "fuh, habis jugak belajar akhirnya kau, azzahra!"